The intelligent person’s guide to acing an interview like an idiot. Companies don’t want to hire people that want to move up in life. They want to hire people who are born complacent, and wish to spend their days in the same position, forever.
When they say: “This is the fun part of the interview (tilt head and smile fake), your answer doesn’t count towards my overall evaluation of you, I’m just curious (giggle, giggle) how you’ll answer. Don’t be nervous (giggle, giggle), just say the first thing that pops into your head. Okayyyy?”
What this really means: If anyone tells you this, you’re shit out of luck. They’re playing games with you because although they’re still talking to you, the interview is OVER. You’re a dead duck. Donzo. Finito. NOT GETTING THE JOB. You might as well know that #1 they DO take into account everything you say. It can and will be used against you. And #2, you’re already NOT getting the job, so have fun with your response.
When they ask: “Where do you see yourself in 5 to 10 years? Hypothetically, I mean, just have fun with the answer!”
Say: “Owning you.”
Say it with a really straight face, and when they grimace in bewilderment, then you can smile.
When they ask: “Don’t you think you’re over qualified? Will you get bored?”
Say: “Yes, I am, and I will, but i’ll kiss anyone’s ass for $50k a year”
Ok, don’t do that. Instead try this. Emphasize wanting to create a long term relationship with the company. “I believe that if I perform well in this position that opportunities will present themselves to me. Besides, if I’m as over qualified as you believe, then you’ll get a hell of a return on your investment.” Wink, wink, smile, wink.
When they ask: “Name a word that bestly describes you.”
Say: “I hate your face.” and when they look shocked and respond “er uh, excuse me?” Just repeat yourself with a crook in your brow. “I….HATE…YOUR…..FACE.”
“Name a word that best describes me? BALLSY” How do you “name” a word anyhow. Perhaps the question wouldn’t be perturbing if they could PHRASE it correctly.
